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(no subject)

Jan. 23rd, 2009 | 11:20 pm

i really fucking hate myself



if i had it all again, i'd change it all

Link | the calendar will hang itself.. | Share


(no subject)

Dec. 15th, 2008 | 01:24 am

i don't think
i can
do this
anymore...

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i just want something i can never have

Oct. 20th, 2008 | 04:20 pm

i need to get the FUCK off this island
im deliberately not applying to a school next semester
so i will be forced to do something seeing that i will have no where to live
im taking a semester off to work, save money, produce a series of artwork
pack, twiggy, oscar and zero up with me and go to cali and live with my aunt
i need a change
everything here haunts, theres nothing but bad memories and regret
i want to start over
i want to be away from my parents who are incapable of making any decisions
i want the tension to be off my shoulders
i want to make good logical decisions inside of thinking with my heart all the time
i know its no good for me



but i cant help but think that i will always love you








im happy that ive seem to found my calling in art. i know its what i want to do all my life.

and im happy the guy at aunt annies hits on me so i get free food...^.^


if i leave i will really miss ross and andrea and nick
im really glad ive gotten closer to her, she truly inspires me...not in a creepy way though
also leaving would technically push myself further away from the person i want to be with more than anything...but i want to leave so i can stop hurting myself for that same reason...

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she takes pills for pain

Oct. 15th, 2008 | 11:28 am

past few weeks have been pretty good
i got a kitten ^.^
her name is twiggy and she is by far the cutest lil kitty i've ever seen
shes so happy and really playful and super snuggly
though i did get her from a 20 yr old Miley Cyrus impersonator..because nothing i ever do can be normal


went to a gay club with danni, nick and andrea
it was alot of fun...saw some people i didnt expect to see there
and...some of those people hit on me and it was quite awkward
but still alot of fun
i need to get out more



got the hook up at aunt annies pretzels
the guy who works there hits on me and gives me a mad discount

saw candace at the hookah bar...i hate my life



i need to get off this island badly
its so draining
besides theres nothing but regret here



when i was younger..in my house in MA i always use to see this ghost guy thing
and i always thought it was just a scary re occurring dream but i mentioned it to ross
and he use to see the same thing
and i use to here tons of crazy shit happen at night in my current house and ross confirmed that he had heard things like that as well



i love having ross for things like that...i always think im fucking psychotic
turns out my life actual is just that weird


cant wait to get matching tattoos with ross :)

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(no subject)

Oct. 1st, 2008 | 11:26 am

why what makes you smile, seem to make you cry
im out here living a lie
im out here living a lie
cause you're inpecable, your everything that I love

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im not containable

Sep. 23rd, 2008 | 10:54 am

i got into my first real car accident on sunday
chris was turning into his drive way (of all places) and someone sped by and he side swiped them
the passengers side got hit which is were i was sitting and my air bags went off
there was three people in the other car, one of when took off immediatly  after the crash
one of which who was drunk..and stabbed? or something
and the driver didn't have a license
oh and the car didn't belong to any of them either
but we spent the night in the emergency room
chris is fine, i just have some bruising and swelling on my arm and leg from were the air bags hit me
little sore but nothing i cant handle
it was quite an experience
when i got in the ambulance to go to the emergency room cause directly afterwards i felt pretty banged up
the driver of the other car, her brother (who was drunk) didnt have his seat belt on so he was in the ambulance too
and she wanted to sit back there with him but i was occupying the only other available seat so she started flipping out
crusing saying to get me the fuck outta there and how she wants to be with her brother and making a big deal about how i was in there
but whatever
chris' beautiful new car is mad fucked :( but its getting fixed


and i hit someones car in the parking lot at work on saturday
its those stationary objects i have so much trouble with...
i left a note with my number and the lady just called me today, i didnt hit it bad it was just like a dent in her side door
but she was pissed at first then i told her where i worked and she actually works in macys too and she said she knew me
then she alot better and she told me it was a company car and that she had already put a claim in and it was being taken care of
and that she didnt think i would owe her anything but she said it was a very honest thing for me to do so thats all cool



AND i got a new nose piercing on the other side of my nose which ive been wanting for forever ^.^

sunday was nice despite the accident
ross, dmc, zero and i went to port jeff...i got fudge, and we played with zero
hehe he loved the slides
i love my baby puppy<33




side note: drive through starbucks are the best invention...ever
im a fucking junkie




seen peter alot recently which is nice
i actually started the striga series last night and did a drawing of him
and got starbucks multiple times
and i went to a bar with him a few days ago...we sang karaoke



anyway cant wait til halloween!!!!!!!

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(no subject)

Sep. 17th, 2008 | 08:12 pm

today sucked

i hate myself

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(no subject)

Sep. 11th, 2008 | 10:50 pm

today sucked
like black dick...

so my previous ceramics teacher nearly failed me cause i sucked
the teacher i have now....tells me im extremely talented and a natural
...im so confused


side note: andrea and nick saved me today<3
i feel like andrea always does that for me though
love her<333 
and everyone gets us confused/ asks if were sisters

saw elly and heather today<3
and that sexy bitch alanna<3
and ross had dinner with me on my break<3

ikea is amazing





bill kaulitz you own my soul
now come claim it alreay


i want a girl with lips like morphine



i wished i cared but i dont, i feel like a bad person
i think its cause i am


and i think i need to go to ____________ and steal her away from her boyfriend cause shes too cute



sigh but nothing can mend this tremendous void in my heart...i miss you

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im dying from the inside out, i need to, be near you

Sep. 8th, 2008 | 10:08 am

so color charts, though completely vital to my lifestyle, make me want to slit my wrists when posed with the daunting task of creating one

- devi is my current aspiration in life

- ross and i are getting matching silent hill tattoos on my birthday and im pumped for it =^.^= i love ross

- my computer i fear has contracted a terminal illness and is slowly but surely dying

- suffolk canceled a bunch of my classes two days before school started so i have to go to brentwood
which on that note:
seriously, stop hitting on me. for the love of all that is holy. i really don't need to be harassed EVERYWHERE i go.
stop attempting to visit me at work.
i would really LOVE if for once if i could go to the goddamn gas station and pump my gas and pay like a normal human being
im no damsel in distress im perfectly capable of taking care of myself
im beginning to think i must be doing something wrong...but i dont need to constantly be reminded that i am nothing but a piece of meat walking around

- i've finally come to terms with the fact that the past 4 months i've been in love with a....girl
shes amazing and she no longer attends suffolk, sadly and ill probably never see her again...but at least i know what im capable of


- i have some issues to address, im not sure how to go about them but i'd rather be alone than live a lie

- holden caulfield i still have yet to find you

- bill kaulitz is my soul mate...he just hasn't realized it yet

we're going to met one of these days. in waldbaums down aisle 7.and then get married.

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serpents at midnight

May. 16th, 2008 | 09:53 am

Just had my phone interview with MAC!

::crosses fingers::

oh im so excited..i reaalllyy want this job :)
MAC hireeee meeee

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